Go with the flow

The concept of letting go and simply “being” is what governs the resort. In my wardrobe, besides great kimonos, there were linen pajama type clothes that the staff wore. “Executives,” she explained, “are often so stressed that it helps make their job easier. You don’t have to make a clothing choice. Wow, I thought, that’s crazy. But by day four, and partly because I had so many mosquito bites, I was in the bloody uniform.

New things were happening to me. Since there was nothing to do in the evening, I started playing the xylophone in my room. There was a bicycle with my name on it. I swam a lot and tried to do things mindfully, which the doctor recommended. For two minutes at a time. I even did a tea tasting!

The most fantastic thing, however, was the Watsu treatment. I stepped into a swimming pool and an incredibly skilled therapist stretched me – a kind of shiatsu in the water. I became absolutely happy, mentally and physically, like I was floating in amniotic fluid. Simply wonderful – the “letting go” was real.

Which was just as well, because during a facial I got a bit of unexpected reiki. Why? Apparently I have “too much male energy”. My heart chakra needs work. Whatever.

You go with the flow of it all, or you don’t – and all I can say is that I tried. This is the most beautiful and luxurious place ever. Every detail has been thought out. It is a retreat from the world. I would recommend Joali Being to anyone who really wants to get away from it all. For that, it’s amazing – perfect.

But I realized that I wanted to be in the world, even if that world is chaotic and not idyllic, and doesn’t come with a butler.

The weirdest thing was that every day I came out with more and more itchy red pimples that I assumed were bites. When I showed the doctor he gave me a special cream they made there. Everything is natural and sustainable. Yet even on the flight home the rash was getting worse, so I went to see my pharmacist when I got back.

“You’re having an allergic reaction,” he said, giving me antihistamines. “But to what?” I asked. He didn’t know it, but secretly I did. Heaven.

How to do

Jaoli Being (00 960 658 3100; joalibeing.com) offers villas from £1,580 per night B&B, based on two people sharing an Ocean Pool Villa. Immersion programs cost from £1,230 pp based on a five night Joali Being Discovery program